So I started this new job. Which is great! It's probably one of the most perfect jobs I could ever ask for and it all sort of happened by accident. The place is only a few minutes away. The people are ridiculously kind and they play Bob Marley in the lounge area. So what's the problem you ask????
The problem is me!
I've been burned before and those demons that crushed my confidence are lurking back. I'm currently playing pinata with myself trying to bat down those inner demons. Demons screaming: "Your going to fail, you can't do this, they aren't going to give you a chance, each time you slip up that's one point docked against you, everyone will think you are a loser if you get let go of, maybe your just not good enough...." yadayadaya You get the point? Then things sometimes get uglier like: "Why aren't you in the best grad school or on the stage, you have no money, what are you doing with your self, Why can't you win, you've failed, your old (haha I know that seems ridiculous), you are a slow processor, you can't pay attention to details, you are always going to be stuck in the same place, doing the same things, and never make anything of yourself...."
Obviously I know that these are not true, and that thinking this way is going to get me nowhere fast. So I'm in the battlefield of my mind and the opponent is strong however I do have ammunition. My Blog! hahaha and friends and family, plus my inner strength to fight them off. I figure writing about it will help.
We all have these demons inside our heads. It's Maya or the Matrix messing with your system, so we need to unplug out of the Matrix for a moment.... ::unplug::
Regardless of the outcome. Life is full of ups and downs like this. We must sail these rough waters of illusion by maintaining calm and patience through out these extreme moments of doubt. That's what Buddhism teaches! Right? Buddha himself said "The greatest prayer is patience." However it's not just the hard times but the good times that flee as well. The hard thing to come to terms with is that "Nothing gold can stay" either. Like the seasons, the best of times will fade too. So stay afloat, "Sink or swim," be neutral and realize that like all things "this too shall pass."
Is time the great healer? Should "In God we Trust" like the State of Florida flag says????
Yes I think the solution is that! To be calm, be patient, and to trust in God.
However I also don't think it would hurt to gain a little confidence and think positively. How can one be confident and positive if you don't feel it? Well I have some hunches:
1. "Fake it till you make it": In show choir (haha) they told us to smile till it hurt.
2. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you": The golden rule. Be humble, be grateful, be sincere, empathetic, give compliments, be honest, loyal and give thanks.
3. B+, "I think I can" said the train, "You can fly" says Peter Pan, just by thinking happy thoughts: after all the "Laws of Attraction" are at play.
4. "Know your stuff": Then there is confidence in knowing your stuff. A great teacher once told me she never gets nervous because she spends hours practicing and studying her stuff, so she knows she's going to do her best. I'm a strong believer in gaining knowledge. Skills take repetition and focus. According to my instructor things must repeated 20 x correctly to really stick.
So there! Experience helps, experience comes with practice, and practice takes time, time involves patience, and so, we're back to: Patience, which is the greatest prayer! Thank you Buddha!
Ok so I have a better idea now of what to do. My plan is set and now we must FIGHT and we will be victorious! I feel like I'm in Braveheart! See blogging helps! lol :)
::plug back in:: You are now plugged back into the Matrix my friends! Have a nice day!
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